We know that Olivia is gifted and that Olivia knows she's gifted. Because we're familiar with the genre, we don't need to see or hear about her social awkwardness too many times. Her snarkiness seems a little beyond her age and she doesn't need to tell us that she doesn't have any friends. We get that. It's Olivia's obsession with time travel as a way of re-capturing the past that makes us root for her not feel sorry for her. It's also what makes this story different from other genius-kid stories. It is that wonderfully creative mind that we want to see in action - hence my comment about adding scenes where we see her working on Dippy and developing more of a relationship with her.
The hospital crisis should be less about how bright Olivia is and more about how her inner child is trying to cope using her prodigious brain. This is the place where Olivia suddenly realizes that she doesn't know as much as she thinks she does - and - more importantly, a place in the story where she's not thinking about herself anymore. She's worried for her father. It's easy to let a character run out of control and run off their mouth. It's fun to write, but the dialog must serve the story and not serve as a showcase for any one character, especially if they're the protagonist and especially if the writer wants the audience to like that character. This is where we learn to 'kill our darlings' - in other words, cut out pieces of dialog or action that don't move the story forward even though we may personally think they're brilliant.
The dialog about patients' families and diastolic pressure is cute, as is the piece about celery seeds; telling the doctor to address her as Dr. Olivia, is a bit much in a crisis situation. It's disrespectful and doesn't endear her to us. And the line "I've already hurt you enough, Daddy" is puzzling, seems nonsequitous. When did she hurt him?
When dad comes home in a completely different condition, it's clear that everything's changed and that her fantasy can never happen. It's then that Olivia grows up a little more. The ending is very emotional and slightly overwritten but is probably exactly what happened. Ray of Sun is a good story that needs a little tightening with an eye toward what the camera sees and some judicious editing to keep the dialog on track telling the story about growing up.
I give Ray of Sun 3.5 out of 5 stars and recommend it for ages 5 to 12. By Juror #12.
We know that Olivia is gifted and that Olivia knows she's gifted. Because we're familiar with the genre, we don't need to see or hear about her social awkwardness too many times. Her snarkiness seems a little beyond her age and she doesn't need to tell us that she doesn't have any friends. We get that. It's Olivia's obsession with time travel as a way of re-capturing the past that makes us root for her not feel sorry for her. It's also what makes this story different from other genius-kid stories. It is that wonderfully creative mind that we want to see in action - hence my comment about adding scenes where we see her working on Dippy and developing more of a relationship with her.
The hospital crisis should be less about how bright Olivia is and more about how her inner child is trying to cope using her prodigious brain. This is the place where Olivia suddenly realizes that she doesn't know as much as she thinks she does - and - more importantly, a place in the story where she's not thinking about herself anymore. She's worried for her father. It's easy to let a character run out of control and run off their mouth. It's fun to write, but the dialog must serve the story and not serve as a showcase for any one character, especially if they're the protagonist and especially if the writer wants the audience to like that character. This is where we learn to 'kill our darlings' - in other words, cut out pieces of dialog or action that don't move the story forward even though we may personally think they're brilliant.
The dialog about patients' families and diastolic pressure is cute, as is the piece about celery seeds; telling the doctor to address her as Dr. Olivia, is a bit much in a crisis situation. It's disrespectful and doesn't endear her to us. And the line "I've already hurt you enough, Daddy" is puzzling, seems nonsequitous. When did she hurt him?
When dad comes home in a completely different condition, it's clear that everything's changed and that her fantasy can never happen. It's then that Olivia grows up a little more. The ending is very emotional and slightly overwritten but is probably exactly what happened. Ray of Sun is a good story that needs a little tightening with an eye toward what the camera sees and some judicious editing to keep the dialog on track telling the story about growing up.
I give Ray of Sun 3.5 out of 5 stars and recommend it for ages 5 to 12. By Juror #12.
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