Initially, it seemed that he might become a medicine man but that's not quite what happens. His external conflict is that he doesn't want to follow in his father's footsteps. He doesn't want to be chief but - and this is what makes the story work - it's not that Ovi is afraid, he simply knows who he is and knows he doesn't have the necessary skills to lead his people. Nor does he have the interest. This makes for an interesting protagonist. The continuing conflict, external and internal, drives the story and after the sudden shock of his father being killed by a bear, Ovi leaves rather than staying to become Chief. He falls into a deep cavern and after drinking water bubbling out of the earth, discovers beings that live below the surface and a world where he seems to fit in.
Ovi is a good role model for a young audience. He is troubled by all the things most young people feel. He feels different, doesn't fit in with the other young men and knows that he is a disappointment to his father and his tribe. This could cripple many characters, but Ovi takes strength in knowing who he is and trusting that knowledge even in the face of rejection. This is an important self-actualizing story for young people - especially creatives.
In the world under the surface, he experiences pure, unbiased love but it isn't without challenges. The challenges and the love and support of his new friends - especially a bat named Echo, provide him with the courage he felt he lacked on the surface, the courage to save his new tribe.
Excellent storytelling with great animation potential. Carlsbad is beautifully described prose but needs to be more cinematic - each scene, a picture, - each scene concisely moving the story forward with conflict and emotion. The writing needs to be tightened with precisely the perfect word choice that alludes to the important visuals that the camera needs. When on page 23 and 24, Ovi is drifting in and out of consciousness in the dark cave; the camera has to see something. To see something, there has to be light. How do we light the scene? Perhaps as his eyes adjust, there is a faint glowing bacteria or glow worms, (which sometimes there is), on the rocks around him which lights his face ever so slightly and helps both him and us to stabilize before he finds the water. These are the cinematic considerations that have to be thought out as you write each scene.
The challenge of writing a good screenplay is more than telling a good story, it's telling and sustaining a good visual story within the confines of the annoyingly rigid screenplay format. It drives all screenwriters crazy, but unless you're close buddies with Spielberg or someone like that, your scripts have to conform or - they won't get read. Good luck and never stop writing. I give Carlsbad 4 out of 5 stars and recommend it for ages 5 to 18. By Juror #10
Initially, it seemed that he might become a medicine man but that's not quite what happens. His external conflict is that he doesn't want to follow in his father's footsteps. He doesn't want to be chief but - and this is what makes the story work - it's not that Ovi is afraid, he simply knows who he is and knows he doesn't have the necessary skills to lead his people. Nor does he have the interest. This makes for an interesting protagonist. The continuing conflict, external and internal, drives the story and after the sudden shock of his father being killed by a bear, Ovi leaves rather than staying to become Chief. He falls into a deep cavern and after drinking water bubbling out of the earth, discovers beings that live below the surface and a world where he seems to fit in.
Ovi is a good role model for a young audience. He is troubled by all the things most young people feel. He feels different, doesn't fit in with the other young men and knows that he is a disappointment to his father and his tribe. This could cripple many characters, but Ovi takes strength in knowing who he is and trusting that knowledge even in the face of rejection. This is an important self-actualizing story for young people - especially creatives.
In the world under the surface, he experiences pure, unbiased love but it isn't without challenges. The challenges and the love and support of his new friends - especially a bat named Echo, provide him with the courage he felt he lacked on the surface, the courage to save his new tribe.
Excellent storytelling with great animation potential. Carlsbad is beautifully described prose but needs to be more cinematic - each scene, a picture, - each scene concisely moving the story forward with conflict and emotion. The writing needs to be tightened with precisely the perfect word choice that alludes to the important visuals that the camera needs. When on page 23 and 24, Ovi is drifting in and out of consciousness in the dark cave; the camera has to see something. To see something, there has to be light. How do we light the scene? Perhaps as his eyes adjust, there is a faint glowing bacteria or glow worms, (which sometimes there is), on the rocks around him which lights his face ever so slightly and helps both him and us to stabilize before he finds the water. These are the cinematic considerations that have to be thought out as you write each scene.
The challenge of writing a good screenplay is more than telling a good story, it's telling and sustaining a good visual story within the confines of the annoyingly rigid screenplay format. It drives all screenwriters crazy, but unless you're close buddies with Spielberg or someone like that, your scripts have to conform or - they won't get read. Good luck and never stop writing. I give Carlsbad 4 out of 5 stars and recommend it for ages 5 to 18. By Juror #10
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